somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
