The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
