I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
