What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
