sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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