I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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