You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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