I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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