Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
