I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
