: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
