Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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