he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
