i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize