And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
