Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
