Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
