i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
