My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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