ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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