Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
