the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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