All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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