apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
