there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
