I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize