This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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