Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
