she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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