Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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