i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
