apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
