my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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