A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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