I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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