whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
