I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
only if we run a train.
done.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
