I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
