It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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