Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
