You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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