girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
