Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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