He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
