Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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