he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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