he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
