What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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