he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize