Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
