You work out of a Hotel?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
