They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
