Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
