Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
