it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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