I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
