So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
