just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
