What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
