I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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