any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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