i think my mom watched the whole time
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
