I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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