i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
