I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
