Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we're making bets on your personal life
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
