I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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