your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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