This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
