So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
