I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
