My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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