i was born a porn star she said
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
BRING THE BAGELS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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