from now on my penis is your penis
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
