How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
