My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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