i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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