It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
