Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
