we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize