there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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