I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Randomize
