You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
