Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
