I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
