omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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