when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
