I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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