umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize