You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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