Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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