I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
