There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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