Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
