That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
