Is it because I queefed?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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